Anxiety at work
I have crushing anxiety at work. It impacts all aspects of my life. I worry constantly that I will lose my job. It’s not just my current job either, I’ve done this for about the last 10 years. I’ve never been fired, but I’ve left a couple of jobs hoping the next job will cause less anxiety. It never does.
It starts on day one of the job and lasts forever. I think about it constantly when I’m at work, when I’m home, basically non-stop. I don’t know how to handle it.
Medication and Therapy For The Anxiety.
I’ve been on anxiety medication for years and on. I’m very careful with it because I don’t want to become addicted. When I take it the anxiety kind of goes away, but mostly it just sedates me, and I don’t like the feeling. But sometimes I have no choice.
And then there’s therapy. I have been in therapy off and on for about 5 years hoping it would help. It never seems to, so I stop, and then I decide to try again but nothing changes with the anxiety.
I feel like this will never go away. Being 43 that’s a very long time to live this way.
Why I Started This Blog
The reason I’ve started this blog is I’m hoping that the writing will help me. I’ve had a couple of therapists tell me to write and get my emotions on paper. That’s what I’m going to do on this blog. And I’m hoping it helps others as well.
I also want to document the ways I try to minimize the anxiety. While I sit here and write this post I continually put my head between my hands and just sit paralyzed. So far this short post has taken me over 2 hours to write because of that. The feeling of being paralyzed, like I can’t breathe.
Moving Forward From Here
I’ve thought for many hours how I will move on from here. How will I if not cure and at least lessen my anxiety? The short answer is that I’m jumping into the self-help pool at the deep end and making myself swim. I’m currently back in therapy and have medication prescribed for me. It doesn’t seem to be helping though.
I have been meditating off and on for about a year now. I plan to do that daily, and I also plan to walk daily. I am mostly sedentary, so this will probably be a difficult one to do regularly. I also want to eat better. My diet is pretty terrible.
The challenge I’m going to have is I’m trying to make all these changes at the same time. I know that just sets me up to fail, but in my mind, this is what it’s going to take. And at this point, I’ll try anything.
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